Life Lessons We Learned the Hard Way
by Manquipt Editors
We’re going to resist the urge to call any of this advice. Real advice comes from someone who has earned the right to give it- like a doctor, or lawyer, or an accomplished professional specializing in a particular area. Here we’re simply offering more of a collection of thoughts, lessons learned, or what we’ve found in our experience to have served us well.
1) Never pass up a chance to be the best-looking guy in the room.
2) The best-looking guy in the room is not always the best looking guy in the room.
3) Never wear sneakers to a place where people will be dancing.
4) Always accept a mint or stick of gum from someone who offers. It’s possible they could be offering it for a reason.
5) When sharing a pitcher of beer always fill your glass last. If you run out before all glasses are filled then just order another pitcher.
6) Go to the ATM for cash before meeting up with friends. No one wants to run your personal errands on the way to going out.
7) Only the skinny can pull off skinny jeans. Pants with tapered legs make larger people look like Gru from Despicable Me.
8) Air makes food go bad faster. Always remove as much air as possible when sealing food in bags and containers.
9) When walking down the street with your woman, do not, under any circumstances, let her walk on the side closest to the traffic.
10) Unless you’re going for something trendy, match your socks to your pants. They should look like an extension of your pant legs going down into your shoes.
11) Never order tea or coffee on an airplane. The water storage tank on the plane has most likely never been cleaned.
12) Pants are the perfect length if the legs barely touch the top of the soles of your shoes in the back when standing up straight.
13) Every shirt with a collar goes on a hanger.
14) One spray of cologne is enough. Less is more.
15) Migrate more toward the successful people you know.
16) Shower quicker and less often in the winter to avoid drying out your skin. You generally don’t sweat or develop B.O. as fast in cold weather anyway.
17) Make every possible effort to cut high fructose corn syrup completely out of your, and your family’s, diet. The stuff is pure evil and is found in a lot of products.
18) Never buy cheap tools. You’re just going to end up buying them again.
19) Swap off hands when you “take a number 3”. Always using the same hand will eventually cause permanent penile curvature.
20) Always take meats out of the fridge and let them get to room temperature before cooking them. One hour max, sealed or covered.
21) 9 times out of 10 putting on a show like you’re a savage will scare away a bully. They don't want to fight as much as show off.
22) It’s a safe assumption you don’t drink enough water. Most people spend the majority of their lives unknowingly suffering from symptoms of dehydration.
23) Never be the first to look away, even if it feels awkward.
24) Wear sunblock. Really. Too cool for sunblock = skin cancer.
25) When getting to know someone new, especially on the first date, don’t talk about yourself until she asks. Ask questions she’s not used to being asked; and make sure you spend more time listening than talking.
26) If you haven’t used it in 2 years, it’s time to get rid of it.
27) Never quit a job until you have a new one completely teed up.
28) Plan, in advance, to dress up for Halloween parties. The ones in regular clothes are the ones who look ridiculous.
29) Never give a friend a hard time for not keeping in touch. Life happens. If you care enough to be upset, then you care enough to suck it up and be the one to reach out.
30) Never be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life. It’s much easier than you think.
31) Your last wipe should be with a flushable wet wipe, but toss it in the trash can instead of flushing it. They wreak havoc on plumbing and waste systems.
32) No one has ever looked cool playing air guitar.
33) Never pay someone else to do something there are do-it-yourself You Tube videos for.
34) Go in the bathroom to blow your nose.
35) Don’t sing or dance when wearing earbuds. Others can’t hear the music so you end up looking like a weirdo.
36) The only acceptable place to flex in the mirror is home alone.
37) Return the shopping cart when you’re done with it. Karma is real.
38) Set boundaries for your relationships. She’s much easier to replace than your sense of well-being.
39) Smile. Your mood will follow.
40) Never waste a barstool by leaving a space between you and the people next to you.
41) When you kiss her for the first time move in 90% of the way and stop. Make her lean in for the last 10%.
42) Don’t kiss her for the first time until it's obvious she will absolutely die if you don’t.
43) Never let a shop replace your car’s engine air filter or cabin filter. They charge 3 times what they really cost and it’s stupid easy to do.
44) We can’t believe we need to add this, but if you’re older than 5 years don’t pull your pants down any further than you have to in a public urinal.
45) Be the most energetic person you know. If you aren’t, figure out why.
46) Move over to let drivers merge onto the highway. It’s not the law, but it’s safer.
47) You can take attention away from a rough complexion with muted clothing. Busy patterns will make it look worse.
48) Don’t let just one thing become your whole life. Everything should be enjoyed in moderation.
49) Take care of your skin, your teeth, and your hearing. Your older self will thank you.
50) Use credit cards only for convenience. If you can’t pay it off at the end of the month, you can’t afford it and shouldn’t be buying it.
51) Normalize “taking number 3s”. If men stop acting like it’s shameful then others will too.
52) Her mother will provide you with a good example of what she’ll look like at her age, but her father will show you how she’ll behave.
53) Never, ever, talk negatively about your other half. It’ll only reflect poorly on you because you’re the one who chose her.
54) Never drive when you can walk.
55) Read up on covert narcissism and learn how to recognize it. When you do, run the other way. Seriously... full sprint.
56) Never treat anyone in a relationship any less than the absolute best you know how. If you find you can’t, then she’s simply not the one.
57) Trim your fingernails and toenails often. They notice.
58) Before you’ve even had a chance to open your mouth, she’s already judged you on your shoes.
59) You’ve never been with her too long to make her fall in love with you again. It doesn’t take much.
60) If you’re going to order for her, ask first.
61) Her friends are important to her, so make them important to you. Remember, she has to put up with the goons you hang out with too.
62) More often than not, she’s right. Just accept that. But there’s nothing to be gained by gloating if she’s not.
63) We’ve come a long way since we were cavemen, so a fist fight should be considered a last resort to settling a dispute. But if you find yourself in a position to have to, unleash everything you’ve got.
64) When posing for a picture with a fish you caught hold it with your arms extended straight out. It will make the fish look much bigger in the photo.
65) Companies don’t really give raises anymore; they give annual merit increases, which are usually fixed percentages. The only way to get more money is to either move up in the company and take on more responsibility, or change companies.
66) If you’ve forgotten someone’s name just say hello and then introduce a friend or date with you. The person will tell them their name for you.
67) You don’t get to choose your family, but you do eventually get to choose their involvement in your life.
68) Don’t forget to stop occasionally and recognize the gifts in your life. We tend to spend too much time focused on the negatives and miss out on the positives.
69) Growth comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Don’t settle for being the same person tomorrow you were today.
70) If you’re hurting over something that’s okay. Take the time to let it hit you; to really lean into it and feel the pain. But then it’s time to shake it off and put it all behind you.
71) It’s a terrible waste to admire, respect or love someone and never take the opportunity to tell them.
72) Never put on lip balm before a haircut.
73) Always dress a little bit nicer than the occasion calls for.
74) The last little 10% of extra effort you put into something is the only part of the effort that will be noticed.
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